Tuesday, March 19, 2013

March 18th

I had 2 thoughts today.....

Thought #1:

Happy Birthday, Esther!  Remember how I used to ask you (when you were very small) "how do you spell your name?"....and you would reply in a very fast, sing-song way "Es~th~er". (you couldn't say your "r")  I don't think that I ever got it the first time, and would have to ask again. =)  And sometimes, (likely often) I would have to ask Rachel....

You have grown a lot (and I mean it), since I first met you, oh so long ago...I pray that God will bless the rest of your life here on earth, in ways that you never thought possible! =)

Love ya.


Thought #2:

Our baby would have been 12 years old today.
Why? Why did you give and then take away the one that we had been hoping and praying for for so long? Why?
 I know that it was for our own good- I know that we are a greater encouragement, and have greater care and concern for others going through the loss of a baby...I still want babies in our life-  (not my own, just related to me/near me that love me) Mom says that it's too late for me to have any more siblings, and I'm not holding my breath over nieces & nephews* (if I did get any, they would live so far away....), what's the point in that? I know that it's not your plan for me & my family right now...
...I need to trust YOU. YOU know exactly why things happen, or didn't happen! YOU alone can see the big picture- why should I question YOU?  Please help me, Lord! Help me to open my hands, and let YOU have my wishes and wants.
Your will be done, Amen.

After I wrote the above, I read the verse printed at the bottom of the journal page- it was perfect:  "....yet I will not forget you.Behold, I have engraved you on the palms of my hands..."   Isaiah 49:15-16

*I do have adopted nieces & nephew, and I love them very much, but I don't see them like I would like to. =(

"Hug Him Once For Meclick to listen.
Reading "See You Later, Jeffrey" by Fran Sandin really helped me with my grieving & loss.
Someday, I imagine that I'll get to meet our baby "Gabriel". 
Gabriel means "God Is My Strength"

1 comment:

McKee Family said...

Thank you dearie....I love you so...I wish I'd realized how hard it was on you children at the time.
Yes, it was a very difficult time for all of us. And yes, we must trust that His plans are best...even when we can't understand what or why He is doing what He is.....or not...as the case may be.

your loving mother