...doesn't always mean it belongs...or at least doesn't belong forever. Sometimes you can't bloom where you are planted because you truly have no space to.
For the most part I am thankful for where I was and everyone and everything that made me who I am today. Even if I never understand...I am only human after all...
I'll confess grateful is not how I feel 100% of the time...but probably 99% of a month...that's not bad!
I just found these pictures...a few years back, I placed a fresh laid chicken egg in a badly placed Cardinal nest....
June 28, 1945 - January 2, 2018 "And I said, Oh that I had wings like a dove! for then would I fly away, and be at rest." Psalm 55:6
Mrs. Beeman was my Mom's best friend, and my second mother/grandma person. We first met her November 2001, and have been through everything together ever since.
We laughed together.
We planned stuff together.
We prayed for and with each other.
We cried together.
We encouraged each other.
We partied together.
We rescued each other.
We shopped together.
We cheered each other when life got dark.
We LOVED Ron Paul together.
We made memories together. ~*~
We were neighbors.
I helped with her garden.
We doctored her.
Mrs. Bee encouraged us.
We helped her throw wedding receptions and parties.
She loved my Sophie the Giraffe photos, and wanted me to make a book.
I helped her decorate.
We watched her animals.
Mrs. Bee Encouraged us.
We loved Valentine's Day, and all the fun.
I got to introduce her to "Signed, Sealed & Delivered" and "How to Fall in Love".
We watered her plants and gardens.
We wanted Fair (GOP) Conventions. Another shared love: Hallmark Movies!
Did I say that she ENCOURAGED us??? She was a Sister in Christ.
I
know that it is selfish of me, but I DID NOT want her to die before my
guy came around, before she got to come to my wedding, before she met my children. Of all the
"older" people in my life that I have wanted over the years, to present
my guy and babies to- she was the last one living, and it is grievous
me to think that it will not happen. I know that God knows best,
but sometimes I feel like He just keeps on asking me, well- telling
me to give things up. I can't imagine a life without dear Mrs. Bee.
Goodbye, dear Mrs. Bee~ I'm glad that God lent you to us for a little while, and I'm thankful you are pain-free now. I will miss you, but I know I'll see you on the other side! 💟
I know that every December I write a recap of the year to go with my New Year greeting. You know, "important things" like what were the most popular posts, which countries were at the top of my blog's readership list, a handful of firsts, some highlights, a few resolutions, admitting that I did not accomplish many of my resolutions, wishes for the new year... I'm not doing it this year. Or at least not for you- maybe for me. We'll see. This year (2015) was interesting for me- rocky for sure! I
was trying to "recover" physically from helping take care of Grandma
Hale, recover emotionally & mentally from helping take care of
Grandma Hale...I got to where I was a basket-case, so I am VERY thankful
to Sherri M. & Mom for helping me "get well" with homeopathic
remedies for grief. My new problem is learning how exactly I fit into
the family, and what is my roll exactly??? Who am I, and what am I to
do?? (I'm not a life planner- never really was...but I guess that you
already know that. I think that it's a good idea, but I'm not sure how
to start.)
(I like this picture- and I wonder...where is home? If you went looking, would it really be where you started from, or perhaps somewhere else??? Is this girl mixed up and turned around? Did she come from or belong in the house, or perhaps over the river to another as of yet unseen resting place? What do you think??? )
I realized today that some people's "jar of pebbles" represents the milestones in life & things they did. My pebbles are more like tick-marks, or a sand clock...the "today is over!" or "another year is gone, and I'm another year older"...check mark!!! (How many more to go???) I'm afraid that I live my life waiting for my life to start.
This year, I'll work on my love, joy, peace, patience,
gentleness, goodness, faithfulness, meekness, and self-control... You
know, relax, find joy in the little things, be more easy going... (I
know these are not "easy" things- you don't just wake up 'perfict'. You have to work at it for years! Shopping in a store is A LOT easier
than growing.)
So sorry to bother you with all the long, deep thoughts!
I wish you and yours the very best in 2016. =) Happy New Year, Friend. =)
All Saturday evening/night I was grieving Grandma Hale, and feeling useless.
Part of my grief was just dealing with something "new": the Hales invited us over for Sunday Lunch, and I was having to deal with the thoughts and feelings that came with it. This was a first. My brain said "NO!" ..."I sit with Grandma so that the Hales can have other people over for lunch...that's what I do- it is one of the things that makes me useful...the McKee family going over for Sunday Lunch is just not "right"." Sigh.
I know that she's in a MUCH better place, with no more tears, no more pain, with long lost loved ones- Grandpa Pete, her folks, her siblings, her friends. And yes, this knowledge makes me very happy.
So, Saturday night Mom, Dad & I watched "Tuesdays With Morrie". Mom and I watched it a LONG time ago, we tried to get Dad to watch it when his folks were going down hill, but he would not....it was probably just as well...we enjoyed it together, and cried through it and afterward. We have so much to learn...I have so much to learn. Lots of growing to do. Maybe I should read the book.
The movie is embedded below, or you can watch itHERE.
The first day of the year. The first
day of the rest of my life.
I'm going to have a really great life.
=)
What will this year hold? What will my
life hold? What will I be known for? Remembered for? Loved for?
Have I touched anyone's life? What does it mean to be a friend? How
can I grow this year?
I am so blessed. So loved. So healthy.
Frivolous with how I spend my time- I
need to “reign in” my “spending”.
I also need to care more, cry more,
love more, clean more, breath more, write more, cook more, Trust God
more.
Happy New Year....may 2015 be more peaceful
than last year. Sometimes it feels like a losing battle (thinking of
the grand scheme of things), but Never underestimate the power you wield
in your everyday life. I can make it
more peaceful in my corner of the world! I CAN effect change. =) Hug more, argue less! Smile more, frown less! A song for you: Peace Train
Some highlights of my year:
1. I have 2 best friends.
2. Mom and I got to go on a 5300 mile LONG car trip "out West"...lots of fun!
3. I started a new blog "Pearls in the Kitchen?" http://pearls-in-the-kitchen.blogspot.com/
4. Sewed my own swimsuit for the first time ever...(and one for Mom)...that was exciting. (Thanks for the help Mom & Brittany)
5. We started the "10:24 Society" last January. Ladies meeting together after the manner of Hebrews 10:24. (we are on Facebook)
6. Grandma Hale peacefully passed from this earth in her own home. I hope that will be said of me someday. It was an honor and blessing to serve her. (her post)
Wishes for 2015:
~Be bolder and braver
~Be a better and more caring friend
~Learn to be a better housekeeper
~Spend more time with my little friends
~No more "melt downs"
~Figure out how to make my creativity supply my "pin" money
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An update on my wishes for 2014:(my end of the year answers are in bold)
(not numbered, because I don’t think that I could do it justice)
~Get completely moved in (NOPE- try again in 2015)
~Make a snowman (Not enough snow- try again in 2015!)
~Make time for sewing/creative fun every week (Well...not really...try again in 2015)
~Have one get together/party every month (Yes~ we started the "Hebrews 10:24 Society" last January! We had a lot of fun as a group, and besides those get-togethers we had lots of other parties!)
~Learn to drive (Well, no....sigh...what vitamin does one take for bravery? I need some. ) .....if I write these down will they be more likely to happen?
My viewers/readers come from these top 10 countries:
I hope that your new year is the best yet. That you will learn lots. And remember that God is in charge, and planned everything....even if you don't understand why. Or how it will all "turn out".
Grandma passed over the river....I'm so sad that she is gone and will miss her so, and I am sad for her family. But for her sake, I am glad that her pain is over. All her grief, heavy burdens and pain are gone. For those things I am happy...but maybe happy is not the right word, maybe I should say relieved....
Please forgive me if I don't shed a lot of tears- I don't yet know if I will or not, I don't want you to think I'm callused or hardhearted but you see I have been doing a lot of grieving over the idea of Grandma's passing for years now (you can ask my Mom- like every couple of months if not more often....).
I have known Grandma "Pete" for a long, long time- most of my life something like 23 years, she has been my other Grandma- my local Grandma. The one who cheered me on, the one who thought that I was just fine the way I was, and who I knew loved me unconditionally.
We also had a mutual LOVE for Myrna Loy, Dick Van Dyke & Mary Tyler Moore. =)
I first met Grandma Pete at Hannah Hale's 2nd Birthday party- I was a shy 6 year old, but I loved her. You want to know why? Because my friends loved her, and because she brought a package of those Picture "15 puzzles"- there was one extra, and Grandma gave it to me (that was the only one I ever owned)! Why did my brothers and I call her Grandma Pete? She went with Grandpa Pete! We don't know who started it, but that's what we called them - Grandma and Grandpa Pete.
The last time Grandma called me by name was while she was in the hospital this last late Winter/early Spring...I miss that- she had an interesting way of pronouncing "Adrienne" that no one else had. Another thing that makes me sad is that she won't see me married & she'll never get to meet my children.
I don't remember now, but either Tuesday or Wednesday last week despite how not "with it" Grandma was (and has been), she thanked me for coming and taking care of her...that was special, because she had not done so in a long while.
I want to thank the Hale Family for letting me be a part of Grandma's life- for sharing her with me...I loved her so. And she loved me...she told me more than once! =)
"Good bye, Grandma...I love you and I'll see you "next week"."
An all points bulletin: I have decided that using the phrase "Did your dog die" or anything like it shall be henceforth considered taboo. You never know what the person you just said that to is going through or just dreamed about. I realized this week that the few times I was told that it hit too near to home. Friends: PLEASE forgive me for the times I thoughtlessly spoke those words. Thank you.
This was my family's 3 hand-mixer in 32 years, and possibly my favorite.....we mixed countless cookies together....numerous cakes together...tons of chocolate candy together...lots of cheesecakes together....pounds and POUNDS of butter together...piles of almond buns together....pans and pans of brownies together.....fantastic amounts of frosting together. Sigh.
The timing was Providential though- I had just finished baking 4 Chocolate Cakes for Raffa, and was just declaring the double batch of chocolate cream cheese frosting to be done, and it died.
What a way to go! With your boots on, making delicious frosting!
Hello, New Year!
Can you believe that a whole year has gone by? Or maybe I should say, only a year since I wrote last year's year-end letter?
Some highlights of my year:
1. My little brother is married now, so I now have 2 SIL's.
2. I'm working more outside the home (with Grandma Hale) and that is taking a lot of energy, so- I'm not quite so handy around the house....but my folks still like me and like to have me around. Grandma Hale has been a blessing to me. =)
3. Cooking with Almond Flour has been an interesting new thing for us- and it's got more nutrients than baking with grain! My favorite recipes are Brownies and Scones/cookies.
4. I go to be a "guest poster" for the Summer Of No Pants 2013 blog event! =) That was fun!
5. My Mom's Dad died- with no grandchildren from me. On the bright side he won't be calling and asking if I'm married yet, and saying "What's wrong with her?".
6. Had my first facial....I would not call it fun...
7. My cat, Fergie is 14 years old- I never thought that he would live this long or well!
8. I went to my first Women's Retreat (I went with Mom- that was fun, I'd do it again!)
9. and my first Single Women's Retreat/sleep away camp without Mom....I don't know if I would want to do that again....
An update on my wishes for 2013my end of the year answers are in bold
(not numbered, because I don’t think that I could do it justice)
~Get completely moved in (NOPE- try again in 2014)
~Make a snowman (No snow- try again in 2014!)
~Have a fun 28th birthday party (YES! I had 4 fun Birthday parties!)
~Make time for sewing/creative fun every week (Well...not really...try again in 2014)
~Have one get together/party every month (this more or less happened- 17 events right off the top of our heads, but not anything like the regular "Women's Club meetings that I was thinking of, and not necessarily one event every month)
~Learn to drive (Well....sigh...what vitamin does one take for bravery? I need some. ) .....if I write these down will they be more likely to happen? (well, I guess not)
Some amusement highlights of my year:
Saw
my first "I Dream of Jeannie", "The Munsters", "Newhart",
"Bewitched", the first 2 seasons of "Call the Midwife", "The Paradise". (FYI: I have NO desire to re-watch those first 2.)
Oh, and I also watched my first 3 "Maisie" films- there are 10 in all
(think
1940's war time Show Girl/Rosie the Riveter/Nancy Drew).
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My viewers/readers come from these top 10 countries:
Happy Birthday, Esther! Remember how I used to ask you (when you were very small) "how do you spell your name?"....and you would reply in a very fast, sing-song way "Es~th~er". (you couldn't say your "r") I don't think that I ever got it the first time, and would have to ask again. =) And sometimes, (likely often) I would have to ask Rachel....
You have grown a lot (and I mean it), since I first met you, oh so long ago...I pray that God will bless the rest of your life here on earth, in ways that you never thought possible! =)
Father-
Our baby would have been 12 years old today.
Why? Why did you give and then take away the one that we had been hoping and praying for for so long? Why?
I know that it was for our own good- I know that we are a greater encouragement, and have greater care and concern for others going through the loss of a baby...I still want babies in our life- (not my own, just related to me/near me that love me) Mom says that it's too late for me to have any more siblings, and I'm not holding my breath over nieces & nephews* (if I did get any, they would live so far away....), what's the point in that? I know that it's not your plan for me & my family right now...
...I need to trust YOU. YOU know exactly why things happen, or didn't happen! YOU alone can see the big picture- why should I question YOU? Please help me, Lord! Help me to open my hands, and let YOU have my wishes and wants.
Your will be done, Amen.
After I wrote the above, I read the verse printed at the bottom of the journal page- it was perfect: "....yet I will not forget you.Behold, I have engraved you on the palms of my hands..." Isaiah 49:15-16
*I do have adopted nieces & nephew, and I love them very much, but I don't see them like I would like to. =(
Thank you all so much for making my 28th birthday a pleasure and making me feel so loved! I love you all!
I thought that I would show you this really cute card that my Grandma & Papa sent me:
First Birthday party of the year was 3 generations in San Antonio!
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The second Birthday party was with cousins~ Sarah and Adam were in town on Saturday, so we decided to have a Monkey Party, and serve Monkey Steaks (aka: Eli's t-bones) =)
Cousin Sarah and I whipping up a dessert for Sunday evening! Cinnamon Pudding Cake - yum! Thanks to J. Vrazo for the recipe!
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And at last minute last Thursday evening, we decided to go ahead and have a Lunch @ TaMolly's on Tuesday (today)! We invited a lot of ladies and 22 of my/our "deer" friends came! The favors were individual brownies. =) (see photos here)
(I got the deer tags from Free Pretty Things For You- here)
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After such a fun afternoon (1-6 pm!) I was excited to come home and look and see the jolly party and good wishes on my Facebook page.
I thank everyone who came to the party or commented on my wall or sent text messages or e-mailed or phoned or MAILED cards! =)
My sweet brother Benjamin called to wish me a happy birthday and then I had a fun dinner and gift opening with my parents. The highlights of which were a red with white polka-dot tea pot and a bag of pink party paper goods!
Thanks again!
(at some point more photos of each of these events will be uploaded, thank you for your patience!)
I can’t believe that a whole year has passed since my last year-end letter….I’d say that all in all, 2012 was much better than 2011, and I can’t wait to see what 2013 holds!
At the beginning of last year, I was able to participate in an internet 5 week long “blog party” that Bramblewood Fashionput on- that was a lot of fun, and my blog got a lot of attention, both in the US and the rest of the world!
I also reached my 300th blog post, and celebrated with giveaways, and got a few new “blog friends”!
We did not travel a lot this past year, but on one of our little trips Mom, Grandma, and I went down to Austin for a day , for Mom’s birthday~ that was fun! (I can’t wait to do something like that again!)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ I had some firsts this year: (things that I “needed” to do to be a "well rounded" individual)
1. I’ve now got 1 ½ Sisters In Law
2. ½ a 13 yo nephew
3. I watched: “Grease”, “American Graffiti”, "Good Morning, Vietnam",
“Gallipoli”, “South Pacific”, “Mash“, “The Mary Tyler Moore Show”, “Leave it to Beaver”. (FYI: I have NO desire to re-watch those first 5.)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Some highlights of my year:
1. I had both of my brothers home for my birthday!
2. My health is improving, thanks to Mrs. Cronin & Mom
3. I’ve been working as a caregiver for Grandma H.
4. Mom and I are better friends than ever
5. I attended my 2nd Ball/Dance
6. My folks have been married for 30 years
7. I am the proud owner of blue jeans that are actually long enough for me! (that was no easyfeat!) 8. Sophie came to live with me!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ My wishes for 2013: (not numbered, because I don’t think that I could do it justice)
~Get completely moved in
~Make a snowman
~Have a fun 28th birthday party
~Make time for sewing/creative fun every week
~Have one get together/party every month
~Learn to drive (if I write these down will they be more likely to happen?)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Embedded just for you:
There is no "good day" for a funeral. There are better days and worse days. Today was a worse day.
I've been to quite a few funerals in my short life- Grandparents, a Great-grandfather, my God-mother, and those of assorted Older Friends and Friend's Relatives.
Today, I went to a new kind of funeral: the funeral of my Friend's Father...it was really hard- Mr. Shetler was only a little older than my Dad. The father of 9 of my childhood friends.
I cried a little during the memorial service, and I would have cried more if I let myself...I thought that I was recovered...but then around dinner time the dam broke, so to speak....I told Mom that I felt like I could cry for hours, or even days. Crying for my friends & their Mom. Crying for me, just thinking about the fact that I'm not ready to loose my parents- how would I handle that (not very well I'm afraid)? Crying because I just could not help myself.
.....After dinner, Dad said that he wanted a brownie, and Mom & I agreed with him, so I made our favorite brownie recipe: Taste of Home's Speedy Brownies*, and I remembered that the Shetler's got the recipe the same time we did, and it was their favorite brownies too....Megan and I made them together at least once. (that was fun!) ...And the brownies led to many happy remembrances of times with their family. =)
(I swiped these Forget-me-nots off one of those "wallpaper" sites)
Please keep your eye out, I'm going to have a fundraiser for the Shetler family soon.
These are the changes we made: add 1t. instant coffee & an extra 1/4c Cocoa. use only 3/4c Chocolate chips: stir 1/2c in & sprinkle 1/4c on top. Sometimes we add 1c chopped nuts.
I am now a Sister-in-law. I'm not sure how much it
will change my life, but it is something new that I've never been
before, so that's exciting!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I got to go with Joshua to pick out and order the ring...
We made Pop-Corn that night...
The ring came in just in time...
Joshua Proposed, and Anna said yes...but they did not tell us at the time...
...but we would have had to have been stupid to not know...
...we had to wait 2 days before Joshua told us, and he told us that we could NOT tell anyone.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Then we all said goodbye, and on April 17th he was off to Italy...
Then they married by proxy on July 5th, 2012...and we still could not tell anyone that they were engaged, let alone married...but anyone with eyes could see by this photo that was promptly posted, that Anna's ring is telling on them! (I confess, I can't stand seemingly needless secrecy, so I ended up telling the Postmistress and one other trusted friend.)
Anna seems to be a sweet girl, and her parents are really nice!
I now have a little sister. Welcome to the family, Anna! =)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Yet, somehow it makes me sad...I feel like
Kathleen Kelly (You've Got Mail"), "my store is closing...and I feel like my mother has
died all over again..." I know that I did not lose Joshua to Anna. I
lost Joshua to Cleburne, TX in October, 2005. Or maybe before.
...Angus.
Last night Mom and I where talking, and I was telling her about a commercial that I saw at G-ma Hale's that had a cute, smart terrier dog in it. And when I told her that he had the same kind of bowl that Angus had, I began crying.
I told her I was sorry, and that I should be over him by now....and Mom reminded me that Angus meant a lot to me, that we were very close- esp. after the boys left. And she told me that a person will never be "over" someone special that is gone now (dead or away).
Mom told me that to help me deal with my lonely heart, I should write a down a memory, or jot a note to a friend, or just call someone.
Angus was good for naps:
He pretty much liked or loved all our music:
He loved tomatoes, and on this occasion he started picking them himself:
And Angus liked to lick the beaters, esp. butter beaters:
I don't think that another dog could fill his spot in my life...but, maybe in 10 or 20 years...
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