Friday, August 03, 2018

Waiting can be difficult, I won't lie- I am not good at it...

Over a year ago a father at Church (“new” to our group) asked me if I wanted to be married.  I replied “Of course.”   (What kind of crazy question was that???)  He was quick to tell me my answer was not obvious.  Ouch.   

WHAT would have gone through your mind???  
This is what went through mine:
~Shock.  Really??  Do people think I look so comfortable in my single life, that I look like I have no interest/desire in having a husband and Lord willing, children?   How did I give that impression???   No wonder I was passed over and left behind for so long, so many times I'm now on the “clearance rack”!
(I think that Women on the “clearance rack” of life are not just “damaged goods” who’ve “been around the block”, they include the “grab-bag” single Moms and the simply “out-dated” old girls and women.)

Dear Mr. Man at Church,
So you really don't think that I want to be married?  You say at 35 you had "no biological clock” ticking, and you think that I don't either?  Well Sir- mine has been ticking for a long time now, I am older than I look, you know.
~I knew that I wanted to be married at the age of 3, definitely by the age of 4. (First truly broken heart at the age of 4.)
~I KNEW I wanted my own children by the time I was 8.  (How else can you have babies under your own command, to love and play with "all the time"?)
~I really longed for my own home & family by 16, and assumed I'd marry young (18-23) like all the women both sides of my family before me.

So, I've wanted that for most of my life (now almost 30 years), I'm sorry you missed the memo.


~*~ So many people have said things to me over the last 6-8 years- to encourage me I'm sure- about or along the lines of “take heart...”, “God has a plan...”, “not much longer...”, “I feel led to say...”. I admit, I tended to glaze over and not remember exactly what was said.   I would have liked to have them all in writing, because I can't remember them, and these folks did mean well, and sometimes they would be encouraging to re-read.


~*~ Waiting can be difficult, it can feel very long and lonely.   I've tried to be content, to bloom where I've been planted, to rest and trust HIM and HIS plans for my life.  It is hard- I won't lie- I am not good at it, and I really ought to be, after all this time.  (My head knows, but my heart has trouble.)

💟I think that I'm a hopeless romantic who isn't desperate.💟

 "part 1"
"part 3
"this is part 4"

1 comment:

Grandma said...

It made me cry. We all have to leave our comfort zones sometimes.