I am tired.

I am so tired of this GAPS diet. I can't really see any changes for the better.

Starting at the end of December (and for about 1 & 1/2 months), I was doing a Candida diet, and I could see a lot of changes. Things like a lot more energy, much less joint pain, easier cycle, much less depression, & some detoxing!

Then I switched to the GAPS diet, and for the most part those good side effects have continued on. But I don't think that I have the same energy, or at least it's not increasing, and I am no longer detoxing. (The things that I was doing for detoxing and not allowed on GAPS- I have no idea why not...)

The sad thing: for whatever reason, I have stopped digesting eggs. For a (long) while I was not digesting them properly, so I would avoid them, but then they are required on this GAPS diet, and I was eating them every day, and digesting them fine! =) But not any more. =(

The only new & good side effect I have seen is weight loss. I am not sure how much- somewhere between 10 and 18LBs I think. Don't worry, I do not look like a concentration camp kid- I lost the fat from places that needed to loose it. (I was not trying to loose anything- it just happened. I was eating good food every 2 hours or so- LOTS of good fats.)

Also at the beginning of my new diet regimen, I began skin brushing 2 times a day, and some easy exercises/stretches every morning.

But still, I am tired-

I am tired of eating the funny food. But I guess that the food is not so funny- how I have to prepare it is. I am soooo tired of boiled-to-death vegetables. I am a very bad girl and eat raw green beans, peas, carrots, and radishes from time to time.
I sneak nuts. Nibbles of meat that is not prepared properly.

I am tired of being tired.

I am tired of melting down, and driving Mom crazy.

I am tired of not being diligent, or driven to do my daily tasks.

I am tired of being a strange selfish kind of girl, who feels trapped- a strange kid who wants to be an adult, but does not know how to make the change.

I am tired of being awkward.

I know that true beauty comes from within- but I don't feel very good inside right now.

I am tired of being an unhelpful not very good daughter.

Tired of being left behind...I need a niche in life.